"How much weight have you gained?"
"How long was your labor?"
"When did your daughter walk?"
"What percentile is your child's height?"
"Will you sign up for soccer?"
And the questions go on. They are mostly innocuous curiosities and most people are genuinely interested. But with some, it feels like a competition and I find myself feeling defensive or apologetic with my answers.
"The right amount of weight according to the doctor. Although 10 lbs more than you."
"Short, and not as eventful as yours."
"At the normal time. I hear yours was running a month earlier."
"I know he looks tall, but he's in the middle percentile."
"No, my child isn't interested."
As we entered school life, I felt more pressure. Other parents seemed to be signing their kids up for so many extra curricular activities like piano, ballet, and baseball. I never felt great answering, "Nothing." when someone asked what extra curricular activities my kids did. I felt embarrassed, or the need to explain why they didn't want to do anything.
So, I was hoping this would all go away when we started schooling at home. A lot of that did. I was right in some way. We were now part of a new community that, for various reasons, have chosen to take control of their kids' education. We share a secret, homeschooling is wonderful for so many reasons. When I talk to other parents who homeschool, I feel a camaraderie I didn't feel with parents in public school. I feel we are more peer-like as we share experiences and help one another get to where we want to be.
I don't know how to explain it, but it feels different to me when someone asks about our day and what we like to do. I feel their curiosity and wanting to get to know us more strongly than a desire to competing with us. Perhaps I'm more confident in where we are that I am more open to these inqueries. Or perhaps the competition to have a "super kid" that can do it all is truly gone? Maybe there is a general feeling of, "we are of like minds, let's stick together and support one another." Whatever the reason, I'm more at ease when talking to other homeschooling parents these days.
However, while I no longer feel as if I'm competing with the super, soccer mom, I still compare myself to other homeschooling moms. I see others teaching their kids Latin, Mandarin, grammar, history, science, and more. I wonder how they do it all. I want to do it all. I can't do it all. I find myself jealous that other moms seem to have a better grasp on their scheduling. On what curriculums they like. On goals they have set for their kids or themselves.
I try to forgive myself for any inadequacies I have. This year is my first year at homeschooling. I know most other parents took a year or two to figure it out and are perhaps still figuring it out as their children grow. I remind myself that all parents homeschool until age five, so why do we think we can no longer do it past age five? I do believe this. I also believe that the state and staff of the public school system cannot do it all. They decide what subset of "everything" the kids should learn and then they teach it.
I believe I am capable of learning what I need to do to help my kids become educated. I know that there are a lot of resources out there to help when the kids become smarter than me. Yet, at times, I feel inferior when all I can think is what I'm NOT offering my children. I am trying to focus on what I AM offering them and feeling confident that it's more than enough.
And so, I continue to compare myself to other parents, for better or for worse.
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